Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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