At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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