I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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