just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
