the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
