I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
