he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
