When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
