how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i drank out of a bidet.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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