I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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