So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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