I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
