those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
