One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
