Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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