so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
