It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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