i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
