Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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