she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
did i just pee glitter
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We smell like vodka and hangover
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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