Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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