I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
