You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
