Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
