So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
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They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
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First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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