Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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