1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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