We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
