I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
