imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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