i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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