I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
