I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize