I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
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I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
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In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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