I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
How external is "for external use only"?
It's blow job season.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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