Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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