Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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