so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
COCAINE IS GR8
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