some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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