I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
