you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
