She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
