youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize