U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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