Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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