My girlfriend figured out who you are.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
