I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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