i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
