Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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