dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
