Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
