Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
