Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
