we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
