I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
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There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
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You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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