i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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