I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
