no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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