I hate all girls vehemently.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
