These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
