I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
