you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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