Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
