Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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