fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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