Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize