These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
