i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
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She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
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You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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