I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
